I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
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