I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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