I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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