only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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