I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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