you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
