alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
