I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
