Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
