Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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