dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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