When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
