Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
