A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
