someone threw a dead crab at me
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
