i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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