I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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