how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
two words: eviction party
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
