We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
