Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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