I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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