the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
