I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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