just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
