I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
