she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
