I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
