if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
