Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
