either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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