Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
