Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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