I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
