Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
