the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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