PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
