i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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