I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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