I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
