i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
