I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
