small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
