Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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