It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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