I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
