i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
