Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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