We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
