forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My pussy is not your playground.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
