So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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