what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
