He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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