Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
